Dialogues

It has come to my attention that some people may be confused as to why I remain so quiet about my travels. True, I have my blog, but I am usually mum about what I’ve seen when face to face with a living breathing American friend. Well, the issue is linked to my very weird psyche. To examine this further, I shall present three made-up scenarios wherein I have a dialogue with my friends about my travels, the first is my view, the second is what I presume to be the reality (for what can we do but presume), and finally, the best we can achieve in this scenario.


Scenario one, my view of how I act


Friend 1 and 2 chat jovially about something very interesting

Alice bursts in, novelty sunglasses and Hawaiian shirt in tow.

Alice: “HEY GUYS, THAT’S NOT HOW WE DO IT IN EUROPE/ASIA/AFRICA/ANTARCTICA/MARS”

Friend 1 and 2 are surprised, but willing to listen to the interesting and varied cultures of the world.

Friend: “Oh, how nice. Please do tell us what it’s like in those places you mentioned”

Alice: “OH YOU GUYS ARE SO IGNORANT OF CULTURES, LOL I’M SO MUCH BETTER THEN YOU”

Friend 1 and 2 begin getting slightly annoyed because of this accusation. Alice continues, in a very loud voice,

“AND YOU KNOW WHAT GUYS, I RODE A ELEPHANT/TOUCHED ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S CORPSE/TOOK A BALLOON OVER THE EIFFEL TOWER/MET WITH OIL SHEIKS, WHAT BORING THINGS DID YOU GUYS DO?”

Friend 1 and 2 leave.

Alice continues jabbering like a baboon.


Now the scenario of what probably would be happening in reality


Friend 1 and 2 talk happily

Alice: “Oh, that’s really cool. Um, I mean, if you want to know, there’s um, a way they, er, do it in, um, Africa. I means, if you want to know.”

Friend 1: “Oh how interesting, please inform us!”

Alice: “Well, um, you see”

Friend 1: Go on

Alice: “I…”

Friend 1 and 2 wait expectantly.

Alice: “OH GOD I’M SO SORRY!”

Friend 1 and 2 exchange glances and continue their conversation as Alice continues mumbling apologizes.


Finally, what I envision would be how my travel discussion would go in a perfect world.


Alice, Friend 1 and Friend 2 are all around a table, drinking tea and talking jovially.

Friend 1: “Yes, yes, Quite, quite. Alice, didn’t you say they did that in Malaysia?”

Alice: “Why yes good sir, indeed. And they also balanced umbrellas on their noses, can you fancy that?”

Friend 1: “Oh how wonderfully exotic and exciting. Would you like to hear about how my day went here?”

Alice: “Yes, please, I would find that most invigorating!

Friend 2: “I also am contributing to this conversation!”


Preferably this last scenario will also have us all in top hats and monocles.


As for why I’m so quiet on my blog… laziness. Pure, unadulterated laziness. But hopefully the writing bug has bit again and I’ll be back on my feet in no time!